Being part of the BDSM community for the past five years has taught me that dominance is much more than just a role—it’s a philosophy and a responsibility. As someone who shares my experiences on my blog, I often get asked what makes a good Dominant. Over time, I’ve developed my perspective, and today, I want to share the seven principles that, in my opinion, define true dominance in a D/s relationship.
1. Leadership Over Control
Being a Dominant means leading with understanding and empathy, not enforcing blind obedience. True leadership in BDSM is about creating an environment of trust and growth, where both partners feel valued.
When I first entered the scene, I mistakenly equated dominance with control. But I quickly realized that leadership requires listening, adapting, and guiding with care.
2. Pride Without Ego
A Dominant should have confidence in their role but remain humble. Pride rooted in dignity inspires respect, while arrogance alienates partners.
I’ve learned that humility is the key to maintaining balance. Pride should be about the strength of the dynamic you build together, not about feeding your own ego.
3. Respect Over Fear
Fear is not the foundation of a healthy D/s relationship. True dominance fosters respect, which comes from consistency, calmness, and integrity.
In my early days, I mistakenly thought fear could enforce boundaries. It didn’t take long to realize that mutual respect builds stronger, longer-lasting connections.
4. Strength Without Aggression
Dominance involves strength—both physical and emotional—but never aggression. It’s about using power responsibly, always prioritizing your partner’s safety and well-being.
Whether in a scene or a conversation, showing restraint and care has helped me become a more effective and trustworthy Dominant.
5. Constructive Criticism Without Ridicule
Providing feedback is an essential part of guiding your partner, but it should never cross the line into mockery. Criticism should uplift and encourage growth, not belittle.
I’ve made mistakes in this area, and I’ve learned to be mindful of my words, ensuring that they build confidence rather than tearing it down.
6. Giving Before Receiving
Dominance is not about taking—it’s about giving. You set the tone, create the structure, and ensure your partner’s needs are met. Giving creates a dynamic where trust and submission flourish naturally.
Some of my most rewarding experiences in BDSM have come from putting my partner’s needs first, knowing that this creates a deeper, more meaningful connection.
7. Enhancing, Not Changing
A good Dominant doesn’t try to mold their partner into someone they’re not. Instead, they enhance their partner’s strengths and help them grow into their fullest potential.
This has been one of the most profound lessons I’ve learned: true dominance is about appreciating your partner for who they are, not who you think they should be.
The Core of Dominance
At its heart, being a Dominant is about responsibility. It’s about earning your partner’s trust, inspiring respect, and continually striving to improve yourself and the dynamic.
For those exploring the role of Dominance, I encourage you to reflect on these principles. They’ve shaped my journey and helped me become not only a better Dominant but also a better person.
